6 Ways to Banish Negative Self-Talk for Good!

Are you a negative self-talker or a positive self-talker? I tend to be a positive self-talker, but that’s not to say I don’t have my moments when a little negative thinking slips in.  But, I don’t let that go too far before I squash it like a bug!  Over the years, I’ve worked hard to banish negative self-talk and today, I want to share with all of you lovelies six different ways that YOU can work on improving the conversation you have with yourself in your head!

6 Ways to Banish Negative Self-Talk for GOOG! via randomlittlefaves.com

I’m fat.

I’m not pretty enough.

She’s funnier than I am.

They don’t like me.

I can’t do it.

What’s the point?  Why even bother trying to do _____?

I don’t deserve it. 

Do any of these sound familiar?  I bet they do.  I bet on any given day one of these sentences, or a variation of, has crossed your mind.  

It’s what you are telling yourself as you move throughout the day.  I bet some of you don’t even realize you’re doing it.

Now, think about these sentences another way…
What if your best friend said these things to you?  What if it was your husband or boyfriend?  Would you stay with them? (I sincerely hope you wouldn’t!! I hope you’d tell them to kiss it as you walk out the door, then turn and ever so cutely, sashay on outta there! But that’s a topic for a different day!).

 Or…would YOU say any of these to someone you loved? (Again, I sincerely hope not, and if you would, well…ummmm…you’re not really a nice person. Just sayin’.)

 So…why do we, as women, continue to say crap like this to ourselves??

6 Ways to Banish Negative Self-Talk for GOOG! via randomlittlefaves.com

In case you didn’t realize it, this is what we call negative self-talk and it is NOT GOOD to engage in this kind of thinking!!  

It’s hard to walk through life not giving into these types of thoughts.  Why?  Because we are flooded with images of “perfection” on a daily basis, so to hold your head high and tell yourself that you are smart or pretty or totally deserving is almost like swimming upstream against the tide.

Also, as young girls, most of us were taught modesty and to praise ourselves was considered boastful (and probably not very ‘ladylike’).

Puh-leaze! Personally, I think there’s nothing more awesome than a woman who knows her own value, accepts her own faults, respects herself, and owns it!

Another thought…have you ever noticed when women get together they tend to commiserate and connect by making self-deprecating comments (“ugh…I need to lose 5 pounds for these jeans to look right”)?  

Personally, I’ve never understood this line of conversation, but I’m always amazed when I’m chatting to a group of women at a party and this happens every.single.time.  They all start listing out their faults and what they’ve failed at!  (It’s usually at this point, where I quietly slip away and go hang with the boys since they never do this and it’s a lot more light-hearted and fun!).

LADIES, THIS HAS TO STOP!!

It’s not only terrible for our own health and self-image, but if you have a daughter/niece/god-daughter/whatever, guess what…they’re picking up on it and that’s teaching them how to, not only look at themselves, but how to behave around other women.

6 Ways to Banish Negative Self-Talk for GOOG! via randomlittlefaves.com
Aside from just feeling better about ourselves when we avoid negative self-talk, there are also numerous other benefits of doing a 180 and practicing positive self-talk
  • Less stress
  • Longer life span
  • Less likely to suffer from depression
  • Ability to better handle difficult situations and phases of life

So, today, I’m going to share my favorite tips for banishing negative self-talk!

Tip #1: Be conscious of what you’re telling yourself

Like I said earlier, I’m betting a lot of you don’t even realize you say all of these bad things to yourself, so the first step is to start listening to yourself.  Once you’re conscious of it, you’ll likely be surprised and possibly horrified at what you tell yourself on a regular basis!

Tip #2: Intentionally tell  yourself the opposite of the negative thought

After you start to realize the negative self-talk, its time to stop them in their tracks! 

When you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself, stop the thought immediately and consciously and intentionally choose a positive thought instead.

6 Ways to Banish Negative Self-Talk for GOOG! via randomlittlefaves.com

For example, let’s go with what is probably THE most common negative self-talk women say to themselves…”I look fat in this outfit.”  Now, I’m not here to tell you to not try to lose a few pounds if you really feel you need to, but what I want you to start doing is to stop focusing on the negative!  Instead of telling yourself that you look fat, try finding something about you that you do genuinely like…your eyes, your hair, you shapely calves, whatever!  Look at that specific attribute and tell yourself that you have amazing [fill in the blank].  That will do wonders for lifting your spirits and redirecting your focus to what you DO like!

If necessary, get yourself a cute ponytail holder and wear it on your wrist and every time you catch yourself making one of those comments, snap it on your wrist as a little Pavlovian reminder!  Then follow up with your positive replacement thought!

Tip #3: Keep a gratitude journal, with a twist

It’s always good to note things you are grateful for…it makes  you more appreciative of life and the small things.  I encourage you to do this as a life practice because there are so many benefits.

But, if you are working on building up your self confidence or just need a boost in your positive thinking when you’re having a bad day, I recommend keeping a self-gratitude journal.  This little journal is all about you!  

On the first page, I want you to write in big, bold letters “NO NEGATIVE COMMENTS ALLOWED”.  

Every single day, jot down things that YOU did that day that made you happy or made you feel proud of yourself.  Also include any accomplishments that you achieved, no matter how big or small…they all count!  

This is your feel good journal and it’s for your eyes only.  This isn’t to dump all of your emotional baggage out onto the pages…do that in your regular journal or your best friend/therapist.  

This is for GOOD thoughts and self praise ONLY.  I would also suggest including any positive quotes that empower or inspire you since the point of this book is to help you see yourself in a whole new light (check out my Pinterest board for some awesome Self-Love quotes to get you inspired!)!

The reason for keeping this journal is two fold…the simple act of writing down your accomplishments, skills, talents, and anything that honors your awesome-ness will get you in the habit of seeing these and acknowledging them!  If you write it down enough, you will start believing it.  Also, if you are having a bad day or a bout of low self-esteem (it happens to all of us), you can whip out your self-gratitude journal and boost yourself right on out of your funk!

Tip #4: Don’t allow yourself to be around negative people

This one is a tough one, but if you surround yourself with negative people, then guess what…they’re going to rub off on you!  You don’t have to dump your friends (or family!), just try to limit your interactions with them.  

6 Ways to Banish Negative Self-Talk for GOOG! via randomlittlefaves.com

However, if someone is routinely putting you down or saying negative things about you to you, in that case, I do recommend trying to cut them out of your life (obviously, this is a huge step and depending on who this person is, I realize it might not be quite that simple, but do what you can!).  

If you are constantly hearing others put themselves, or others down, or have people routinely putting you down, then you’ll never be able to stop that line of thinking within yourself!

Strive to surround yourself with positive thinkers.  It really does make a difference!!  

Tip #5: Compliment others

You may be wondering why I’ve added this one to the list when we’re talking about banishing negative self-talk!  Well, there’s a method to my madness (or at least, that’s what I like to tell myself, bwahahahaha!).  

The benefits of this one are two-fold.  First, let’s say you notice a co-workers awesome shoes.  You could notice them and not say a peep.  OR, you could look at her, smile and say, ‘wow, those are awesome shoes!’.  You know what will happen when you do this?  Unless she’s a total you-know-what, she’ll likely bust into a big smile and thank you (or possibly tell you a long winded story of how she acquired said shoes).  

What you probably won’t realize is you just boosted her day and possibly made her day.  If she’s working on any self-esteem issues, you just helped her out and made her feel better.  

Complimenting others also has a positive effect on you!  So, you walk away feeling good for making someone else feel good, which in turn will boost your mood and make you feel like a rock star (and you can add this to your self-gratitude journal!).  

I’m also a big believer in karma…if you dish out the good stuff, it will come back to you two-fold.

Tip #6: Take care of yourself

If you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re not likely to have a positive opinion of yourself.  Are you working out regularly?  No? Then get on that.  Eating healthy?  No? Start making some changes.  

The point here is not to go on some crazy diet, it’s to lead a healthy life.  Working out not only boost your endorphins, but how can you not feel like badass when you’re squatting 50lbs (or 100lbs or whatever is awesome for you!)?  

6 Ways to Banish Negative Self-Talk for GOOG! via randomlittlefaves.com

I know when I’m in a workout rut and can’t get to the gym for an extended period of time, I feel crappy about myself.  Once I’m back on the horse and working out, I instantly feel like I’m thinner and that I look better even though I haven’t lost a single pound!  

It’s all in the mind…so take care of  your body to take care of your mind!!

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At the end of the day, negative self-talk is destructive and it holds you back.  Having a positive self-image and self-esteem will open up so many more doors for you and will allow you to not only enjoy your life, but to get the most out of your life!!  And you know what? YOU are worth it!!!

So, if you are guilty of a tad too much negative self-talk, it’s time to squash it and set yourself free!

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Your turn!  Do you find yourself falling into the negative self-talk trap?  What are your tips for fighting back against it?

Comments

  1. 1

    says

    I’ve always been perplexed by the whole be positive or negative idea. While i think it’s most people’s goals to be positive and think “good” thoughts, I also think that it’s not healthy to not let yourself feel bad thoughts. Sometimes those bad thoughts are our way of getting through something, otherwise you end up dwelling on the same thing. That being said, I do agree that you should be careful if the negative thoughts outweigh the positive.

    • 2

      Vicky says

      Hi Channing! Yeah, you’d think most people would want to have positive thoughts, but I can think of many people in my life that see to enjoy dwelling on the negative. Granted, for those individuals, they’re likely not to gain much from reading something like this since that’s more their tendency. But, I do think society or upbringing has fostered that type of thinking in some that may not want to think along those lines, so learning tools for how to improve their thoughts about themselves can be very beneficial! It’s crazy how engrained our way of thinking is, isn’t it?! :)

  2. 3

    says

    Being around negative people is the worst for me! These people just get to me and make me turn into a ball of negativity so I make sure to avoid them as much as I can!

    • 4

      Vicky says

      Seriously! I am usually a pretty happy/positive person and when I’m around someone that is negative, I can literally feel the energy being sucked out of me and a weight descending on my shoulders. I just can’t take it long term, lol! Maybe I’m just more sensitive to other people’s moods, though. One evening out with a Negative Nancy and I feel a little bit of a cloud over my head for a day or two! So, like you, I try to avoid them like the common cold! :-)

  3. 5

    says

    I made a pretty big effort this year to cut out negative people. Unfortunately it left me with quite a few less friends, but it has made ME happier. I am totally a culprit of talking down on myself and hurting my own self confidence. I’m a really positive person, except when it comes to myself! I’ve gotta be way better about that!

    • 6

      Vicky says

      Thanks tough, Angela! It’s always hard to lose friends, but at the end of the day if you’re now happier, it sounds like you made the right call! Isn’t it crazy how our internal voice is so strong even when we don’t want it to be!! She’s a tough cookie and really hard to stand up to! Stay strong, my friend! :-)

    • 10

      Vicky says

      I hear ya, Jazmine! For some reason we are SO much tougher on ourselves! We forgive mistakes in others, or lack of perfection, but when assessing ourselves, we have this strict zero-tolerance policy that makes it really hard to be kind to ourselves. It definitely takes awareness and a little work, but I do think we can all do better (myself included!). Thanks so much for stopping by, my dear! :-)

  4. 11

    says

    I love this! I think this is such an important topic to talk about, especially for women. I love the idea of keeping a self-gratitude journal. I bet that is an awesome way to stay positive and learn to love ourselves even more! And never underestimate the power of complimenting and giving to others. So important! Thanks so much for this post, Vicky!

    • 12

      Vicky says

      You’re very welcome, Gina! I love how positive you are (I read your blog :)) and as a college student, I love that you are at that place mentally so *young*…that’s awesome!! Usually as you get older, you refine that more, but you’re already there, so rock on, sister! :-)

    • 14

      Vicky says

      Awesome!! So glad you are already rocking the positive self-talk, Tianna!! That makes me so happy to hear that! Thanks so much for stopping by! :-)

  5. 15

    says

    I agree that this is a serious problem, and I think a big part of it also comes from us talking so badly about other women, and friends. We are all so critical of everyone.

    • 16

      Vicky says

      I COMPLETELY agree, Sarah! I can’t stand to hear other women ripping each other down! As women, we have enough to deal with that you would think we’d all want to just help each other out and build each other up. I think when women are supporting each other, there’s a bond and a strength there like no other, but man oh man, if its the opposite, women can be vicious against other women and I lose so much respect for women when I hear that. Can’t we just all be friends? :-)

    • 18

      Vicky says

      Thanks Lisa! I love how I tend to notice more things to be grateful for when I’m actively keeping a gratitude journal. It just makes life a little sweeter! Thanks so much for stopping by! :-)

  6. 19

    says

    thanks for posting this. We can all use some compliments but it’s important to remember so can everyone else!

    It’s a great reminder to surround myself with people who encourage me.

    • 20

      Vicky says

      Thanks Amy! I try to compliment someone everyday (especially people that I don’t necessarily know that well). I know I’ve had complete strangers come up to me in a store to compliment my coat or bag, which seriously makes my day even more than if a friend or family member were to say the same thing! There’s just something about a stranger making the effort that really impresses me! Thanks for stopping by!

  7. 21

    says

    This is such a great post! I love all these tips, and it’s an awesome reminder for everyone! :]! I tend to be way harder (and way more insulting) on myself, so the things I think about myself would be pretty darn appalling if I thought it about my friends!

    Sharing this all over social media! <3!

    • 22

      Vicky says

      Hey Farrah! Thanks so much! I am the same way…even though I’m conscious of it and I definitely squash it when I catch myself (which is key!), but yeah, for some reason we tend to be ridiculously harder on ourselves than we’d ever be on anyone else! It’s crazy! We should be kind to ourselves!! Thanks for sharing & as always…for stopping by! :-)

  8. 23

    Taylor Yates says

    When I find myself engaging in negative self-talk, I think about whether or not the problem I’m having with myself is fixable. If it’s that I haven’t gone to the gym in awhile, I start thinking about what I can do to fix that. If it’s that I don’t like my nose, I think about how that’s not changeable and it’s part of me and move on. I try as much as I can to focus on what can be changed and learn to embrace the rest!

    acupoftay.com

    • 24

      Vicky says

      This is a great way to think of things, Taylor! I love it!! Sounds like you definitely have a healthy mindset with regards to your inner dialogue, so yay you!! Life is definitely too short to lose time over what can’t be changed…best to just embrace it and move on! :-)

  9. 25

    says

    This is such a great post. I have major social anxieties and worry about what other people think way too much. This year, every time I think that way, I stop myself and literally think or even say out loud, “it doesn’t matter what other people think.” At first, I thought this was a silly little thing and wouldn’t make a difference. But it does! Self talk and self-affirmations are so crucial to overcoming anxieties and unhappiness. Oh, and by the way, your design is gorgeous! I love the styling within your posts! All the colors, pull out quotes, and little asides. So cute. Do you hard code all of that or is it part of a theme/plugin you use?

    • 26

      Vicky says

      That is awesome, Bobbie!! I’m so happy that you recognized this within yourself and started making strides to reverse your line of thinking…woohoo! You’re on the right path! I used to be really bad about worrying what others thought of me, then I realized…what difference does it make?? A couple of months ago, someone said something regarding what others think of you that was really spot on…she said that what other people think of you is *none of your business*. When you think about it..that’s so true!
      Thanks so much for your sweet words on my blog design! I just launched my new brand this week and I’m really happy with it (and folks seem to like it, which is very nice, given the hours that went into it, lol!). The only thing that is part of my theme is the gray boxes around each numbered tip. That’s one of my label tags that I can select from a drop down (it’s my h6 tag). Everything else I run through and format in the HTML tab after I’ve gotten all the wording the way I want it. I keep lines of code for specific things I do frequently in Evernote, so I can quickly copy/paste to save time! :-)

  10. 27

    says

    Great article. I’ve been guilty of that myself for a long time, fostered by someone else who told me these things for a long time when I was much younger. It works in the same way positive affirmations (or self talk) do. You believe what you repeatedly tell yourself. I also think there’s a difference between negative self talk on auto pilot that undermines your self esteem and an honest appraisal of a situation that truly sucks. There’s a difference between “I am not stylish” and “I am not stylish, I dress like Frumpy McDoodles, but I can and will do something about it” (from Caterpillar to Butterfly, ya know)

    Alex – Funky Jungle

    • 28

      Vicky says

      That’s a great point, Alex…if someone tells you this stuff when you’re younger or a kid, I believe it’s so much more ingrained and harder to overcome. And you’re right! It’s the autopilot negative self talk that can be so destructive…I hadn’t thought of it from that perspective. Honestly viewing something about yourself that you can improve and then setting about that is a whole different thing (I think that’s actually a positive thing when you can see something and take action to improve it!). Thanks so much for your comment!! Very valuable insight! :-)

    • 30

      Vicky says

      Awww…thanks so much Ashley!! I’m so glad I found your blog and left you a comment! From an old-Atlanta girl (ok…maybe not ‘old’!) to a new Atlanta girl! 😉 Looking forward to connecting some more!!

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