Can YOU Love Yourself Better?

Do you love yourself?  Heck, do you even like yourself?  I’m going to guess that for most of you reading this, you might have felt a little uncomfortable asking yourself those questions.  But, you SHOULD love who you are!  If you can’t love yourself, how in the world can you expect anyone else to?  Have no fear, ladies, because today, we’re going to roll up our sleeves and talk all about it, so grab a cup of coffee (or your beverage of choice), get comfortable, and let’s get started!

In today’s world, women are pulled from all directions.  They’re moms, wives, girlfriends, aunts, friends, colleagues, etc.  There seems to never be enough time in the day and the expectations on what we *should* accomplish are overwhelming.  

Its no wonder that women are really hard on themselves.  

We beat ourselves up and we constantly compare ourselves to every other woman and think we fail in comparison.  

This is NOT okay!!

Most women have a constant dialogue of negative self talk streaming through their minds and they’re always telling themselves that they’re not “enough”.  

This month, I’m going to be focusing on how to reverse all of this and learn to love and accept yourself.  We’ll be talking more about negative self talk later in the month, but for now, I want to kick things off by introducing the idea of loving yourself better!

But, before we get started, I just want to clarify something…  

Please note that I am NOT advocating that you stop doing things for others, or that it’s wrong to enjoy that…not at ALL!  If that makes you happy and brings you joy, by all means keep doing it!!  All I’m suggesting is that in the midst of doing things for others and spending time on others that you don’t forget about yourself.  That’s all!  

You really need a balance in life…time with, and for others, along with time for yourself.  You don’t want to tip the scales too far on either end. 

What is Self Love?

 Let’s first talk about what self love isn’t, okay?  

Self love is NOT arrogance and it is not being selfish.

Arrogance is when you think you are better than everyone else and selfishness is when you think your needs are more important than others. 

Self love couldn’t be farther from these two extremes.  

Before you can have a strong relationship with anyone else (spouse, kids, family, friends, etc.) you need to have a strong relationship with yourself so you can offer the best of you to everyone in your life.  

When you love yourself, you’re able to love others better and attend to their needs more intentionally.  (Note that I didn’t say that you would love others more, I said better.  That’s because you are able to accept yourself, which allows you to accept others more easily.) 

When you love yourself you…
  • Appreciate yourself – You know who you are and you genuinely like who you are as a person.  You know your own talents, skills, passions, and beliefs and you don’t tend to be swayed by what others think.
  • Accept yourself – You’re not perfect and you know it.  But, you don’t stress over the imperfections.  You accept those as part of the truly unique and beautiful person that you are.  Your imperfections do not define who you are…they just add a little character!
  • Forgive yourself – We all screw up and make mistakes.  If we love ourselves, we’re kind to ourselves and forgive our mistakes.  By forgiving ourselves we allow ourselves to learn from those mistakes.  When we learn from our mistakes, we grow stronger, we move on, and we do bigger and better things.  It’s okay to not be perfect.  It’s okay to make a mistake.  It’s okay to fail.  Basically, it’s okay to be YOU.
  • Believe in yourself – If you have a hobby or a passion that you’re good at, you know it (again, not in an arrogant way, but a confident way) and  you believe you can take it farther if you have that desire.  You’re comfortable talking about your talents and skills.  You believe you are capable of reaching  your dreams (and  you feel you’re worth it!).  
  • Know you’re worth the time to take care of yourself – If you love yourself, you know that you are worth the extra effort to take care of yourself.  That may be by eating healthy, working out regularly, taking time for yourself, and indulging in your own passions and hobbies. 
Benefits of Loving Yourself

 There are so many benefits to loving yourself!  Think of how it feels to have someone you love, love you.  It feels pretty awesome, right?  You feel confident and desired.  “Hey, someone likes me and wants to spend time with me!”  Right?  If you love yourself, it’s kinda the same thing (just minus those awesome “new love” endorphins).  

But, just to name a few of the benefits to loving and accepting yourself…
  • You feel confident and comfortable in your own skin. 
  • You tend to aim high and chase your dreams.  
  • You are perceived as more genuine because the “you” you put out there is the real deal.  You don’t feel the need to try to be someone you’re not, to try to impress others.  
  • You can better assess your needs and desires, which allows you to better take care of yourself and to provide what you need for happiness (which will make everyone else around you happy too!).
Taking Time for Yourself

This can be a touchy subject for some folks (women in particular are more prone to feel guilty for taking time for themselves and that just makes me sad).  I think it’s incredibly important to carve out time for yourself.  

Women are notorious for putting everyone else ahead of themselves and leaving their own needs and desires last.  They see that as a good thing…well, sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s not. 

It is NOT selfish to take time for yourself!

Never doing anything for anybody and only taking care of your own needs would be selfish!  

But taking an afternoon to indulge in a mani/pedi (or whatever your thing is) is not selfish!  Anybody that doesn’t want you to have a little time to yourself to enjoy and be you, is the selfish one (and personally, I’d strongly reconsider that relationship or friendship, but that’s a topic for another day!).  

Indulging in your passions and some me-time will give you the energy and contentment to be a better partner, friend, mother, etc.  It allows you to be you for just a little bit and do something purely because it brings you happiness.  

What’s wrong with that?  

It allows you to experience a different world that will only serve to enrich the lives around you by possibly, opening their worlds up to who you really are.

I completely respect that those of you with kids and families struggle to find that time for yourself and most definitely suffer from feeling guilty about it.  But I encourage you to work on it.  Aside from the benefits that it will bring you (and you ARE worth that ‘me-time’!), it’ll allow them to respect you even more than they already do! 

How do I Start Loving Myself?!

If you are already riding the self love train, congrats (virtual high five!)!  Keep doing what you’re doing, girlfriend!

If you’re not, that’s okay.  We’re going to be talking all kinds of self love this month, so hang with me and I’ll show you how you can fall in love with you!

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If you want to explore this further, I have put together a workbook that guides you through uncovering your unique awesomeness, identifying a few problem areas that are stalling you on the self love highway, and you’ll finish off with lots of ideas for rewarding yourself when you indulge in some much needed ‘me time’!

How You Can Love Yourself Better via randomlittlefaves.com

This freebie PDF, is only available to my newsletter subscribers, so sign up to get your copy!  While the newsletter (read more about my newsletter) already went out on February 1st, you’re not too late!  I will personally email the PDF to anyone that signs up to my newsletter in February! (it may take me up to 24 hours to verify your subscription and email it to you, but I will send it out!)

So, what are you waiting for?!  Sign up today to start traveling down the road to loving you!

Newsletter Signup

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Your turn friends!  How do you feel your self love is these days?  Does it need a little tune up, or is your bucket overflowing?  I’d love to hear, so leave me a comment below and let me know!

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Comments

  1. 1

    says

    This is something I’ve always struggled with. Lately I’m back in therapy to get to the root of some issues that have been affecting me since I was a kid. Accepting myself for who I am has been my biggest challenge, I am also working on that this month! Thanks for the post, it was a great read. :)

    • 2

      Vicky says

      Hi Lindsay – So glad you enjoyed the post and I wish you all the best with your journey to self-love. You’ll get there!! I can definitely be hard, especially if there are lingering issues from childhood. That’s great that you’re reaching out to talk to someone! Yay you! So many people don’t do that and it’s so very helpful! Just remember…you are awesome!!

  2. 3

    says

    Such a beautifully written post, and a very necessary reminder for me because this is definitely something I’ve always struggled with! “Self love is NOT arrogance and it is not being selfish” is so, so true! I’m doing a linkup on love with several other bloggers for each Friday in February and it’d be awesome to have you link up this post with us then! :]

    • 4

      Vicky says

      Hi Farrah…I’d LOVE to do the linkup! I’m guessing I just visit your blog on Friday for the details and to link up there? Thanks for your kind words…it can be so hard to remember that it’s okay and necessary to take time for ourselves from time to time! :-)

      • 5

        says

        Yay! 😀 Thanks so much for linking up! This was such a great post; more people need to read it, because we all need that reminder! ;] Hope you have a great weekend!

        • 6

          Vicky says

          Thanks Farrah! Thanks again for telling me about the link up :)…always happy to get the message out! Hope you have a nice weekend as well :).

  3. 7

    says

    This is so great and all so true. It is so much easier to just put ourselves down and build others up. But how can we expect to really help others if we can’t even help ourselves. Like you said too often we think building our self up is arrogance but that is so far from the truth. Great post, can’t wait for what is too come!

    • 8

      Vicky says

      Hi Sierra – exactly! It’s sad that our society puts that pressure on women (to think it’s selfish to take care of ourselves in addition to others!). Hopefully, the momentum is shifting though :).

  4. 9

    says

    So much beauty and truth to this post! I have a hard time with forgiving myself – I’m definitely my own worst critic. It takes time to really come to terms with the fact that perfectionism is not attainable and it’s ok to make those mistakes and learn from them.

    • 10

      Vicky says

      Absolutely, Tori! And you’re exactly right…I failed to mention that it does take time. Most of us grow up listening to society believing we need to be perfect and it does take time and effort to change that outlook and approach life differently! I like to think we’re all perfectly imperfect :).

  5. 11

    says

    I needed to read this today. I have and still do really struggle with making time to care for myself and its really been talking a toll on me. I’ve been taking a few steps to really work on this and one of them is to finally seek therapy for insomnia (which a doctor recommended that I do over a year ago).

    • 12

      Vicky says

      Hi Lisa! I so glad you found this on the day you needed to read it! I too suffer from insomnia, but fortuntely, just in bouts…so a week or two every couple of months, but it tough when in the midst of it! It’s so hard to take that time, but once you start making it a priority, it gets easier (and those around you understand that’s part of your needs too!). Good luck!!

  6. 13

    says

    I needed this today — and most days recently it seems! Between working full time, being a mom and wife, running our house, it feels like I am failing.at.everything. no.seriously! I have days where I think I have it all figured out…and then something comes up…maybe a call ran late at work, so I got home late and only got to spend 5 minutes with my littles before tucking them into bed. When all is said and done, I KNOW that I am doing what is best for us, and me, and rocking it…but the self doubt and negative talk always seems to find a way to creep in…especially when I need it the least.

    • 14

      Vicky says

      That’s so tough, Stephanie!! I feel like I never have enough time in the day and that’s without kids, so I have so much respect for moms out there juggling work, families, AND themselves!! I hope your husband is able to help you with finding that needed you time, but I’m sure he’s juggling a lot of balls too. Hang in there and if you can squeeze in any time for yourself, definitely don’t feel guilty about it! But, I know that’s hard…just remember, you ARE worth it!!

  7. 17

    lauren says

    thank you so much for writing this absolutely inspirational post!! that is amazing!! so helpfu land so profouond.

    • 18

      Vicky says

      Thanks Lauren! I hope women start to feel the power of taking care of themselves more and not feeling guilty about it…thanks for stopping by!

  8. 19

    says

    SO many true statements…we as women feel so much pressure to be so many things to so many people. Loving ourselves NEEDS to be first and foremost. Thank you for linking up, I love this post!

    • 20

      Vicky says

      Thanks Emelia!! Love your statement that loving ourselves needs to be first and foremost!! So true! Thanks for stopping by!

  9. 21

    says

    I am so saddened when I recognize qualities in a person that clearly point to the fact that they don’t love themselves. We are all so unique and have so much to offer the world around us. May I help even one person who struggles to like themselves. A good post!

    • 22

      Vicky says

      Hi Traci! I completely agree…it is heartbreaking to see people that don’t accept, appreciate, and love themselves. I can’t help but wonder why they can’t see all of their amazing qualities and I just want to help them break past that to discover their own awesomeness. I love hearing of others that share that desire! Thanks so much for stopping by! :-)

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